Love School Lesson #17 – Finding A Man To Sweep You Off Your Feet
Today we are going to talk about finding a man to sweep you off your feet.
As a Love Coach, one of the first questions I ask a client is, “What are you goals? What do you wish to get out of working with me?” Most of the time the answers are, “I want to find love,” or “I looking for a long-term relationship.” However recently, I had a woman tell me she was “looking for a man to sweep me off my feet.”
I know exactly what she is looking for. Once I went to a dance with some friends that were a couple. I had just broken-up so I was a third wheel. A few minutes after walking in my eyes meet his. He was gorgeous with think dark curly hair and beautiful white teeth that where smiling at me.
Eventually he asked me to dance. He grabbed me in his arms, pulled me tight, then twirled and spun me around. We stared into each other eyes and danced and swooned for hours. He was an amazing dancer and the evening was magical. My friend’s boyfriend came up to me afterwards and said he never saw to people more in love. We had just meet but he swept me off my feet.
So, now you’re probably wondering, “are we still together?” No. We dated a little after that night, but we could never recapture that initial feeling again.
That euphoric dreamy feeling was produced when my body released norepinephrine, is momentary. It floods your system and heightens your senses. Its part of flight or flight response, so just like you might experience during an accident, time seems to slow and you can experience tunnel vision, where its like you can only see each other. Causing it to feel like it’s just you and him in each others arms on that dance floor all night. That’s what my friend was referring to as love.
It wasn’t love. It was wonderful and magical, and could have been the beginning of love. But the truth is, all that it was, was attraction…sexual attraction that is. In other words, I wasn’t in love, I was in lust. And, because norepinephrine is temporary, the feeling didn’t last. The relationship took the normal course; we dated a bit and decided it was not enough of a match.
Is it wrong to look for that enchanted feeling of being sweep off your feet? No, but realize it really doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a temporary sensation meant to get to people close enough to consider each other more. Not a way to make a major life decision.
In other words, she is trying to make a huge life decision based on a fleeting feeling. Probably not the most prudent way to run you life, wouldn’t you think?
She is making a decision of a lifetime – the person to spend the rest of her life with – based on a fleeting emotion.
I’ve seen the same woman spend more time deciding on buying a pair of shoes. She would never run into a shoe store and purchase a strappy sandal based solely on how they look in the window. She would at least try them on and probably walk around a bit. So, why wouldn’t she give her potential life mate at least the same scrutiny? Go on a few dates, see if he fits and then make a decision.
Just like that cute pair of Jimmy Choo’s that look great on the display. You may find that they don’t feel as good as they look. That initial feeling is going to go away. Here is where that list I mentioned last week becomes important.
Don’t focus so much on your ephemeral moods. Rather focus on what you want in your life. Once you find someone who has the characteristics you are looking for, the neurotransmitters that lead to love can have a chance to build.
By the way, just because you don’t have the feeling instantly, doesn’t mean you are not going to have it. Couples can experience those enchanted nights even after being together for years. There are tricks to help it happen. I’ll explain how in a later episode.
But for now, instead of looking for that feeling, try finding someone you genuinely like and build a solid relationship that has a chance of lasting a lifetime.
And remember if you’re looking for someone to sweep you off your feet you could end up on your ass.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of Love School. If you did please let me know by leaving a comment. And, tell me if there is anything you would like to talk about. And of course, don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss a thing in Love School.