Love School Lesson #11 – Critiquing a Dating Profile
Hi I’m Dawn Maslar, Welcome to Lesson #11 in Love School, our series about love.
Today were going to look at online profiles. Recently, I had a woman explain that she has had difficulty with her dating profile. So I offered to take a look at it if she allowed me to do a video on it.
Her name is Patricia, she single and she’s looking for a long-term love relationship. The most difficult thing about an online profile is getting it to say what we really want it to say. So let’s see if her profile conveys that.
One of the first things notice on Patricia’s profile is a beautiful woman with a lovely smile. However I noticed later that she had had a haircut. That picture that says “my recent haircut I hate it. “ This creates two problems for me. First, she doesn’t need to put out there that she hates her haircut. Our goal is to be strong and confident, but honest.
In fact, I had a joke with a friend that you want your profile to reflect love school – strong confident honest and ooh ooh lovely.
Therefore, you don’t want to say that you hate anything about yourself – be confident. So, let’s take that line out. Next. let’s move that picture up to your profile picture. We want to be honest. So that when she shows up a date she looks like her picture.
Or, even better I would like her to take a new picture. Research shows that left cheek exposure is the most aesthetically pleasing. In addition women that wear red get more attention. Therefore I would like to see a new picture showing her left cheek with either red background or red outfit.
She has several pictures, which is great. Ideally, you would like three to five pictures, with one body shot. She has a body shot of her standing in a hotel room in Mexico in 2012. Ideally you want your body shot to be an action shot that reflect who you are. So, maybe a body shot visiting a cool sight in Mexico.
Now, I don’t much about Patricia and I did this for a reason. I wanted to get the feel of her from her profile. I can pick-up that she is a sweet, kind woman that likes to help people. I picked this up form her occupation as a teacher and one of her pictures with a student in Haiti.
But her profile “About me” section does not reflect that. Her opening statement says “Relationships are not supposed to be complicated.” So when I see that I wonder, yes and why is she telling me this? Are her relationships complicated?
I move on to the next part and she writes, “We the people, in order to form a more perfect union, establish Justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare and secure the blessings of liberty for ourselves and our posterity do ordain and establish this Constitution. Sounds like a good foundation for something great. What do you think?”
Well, you want to know what I think. I think this sentence is the equivalent to a castle wall complete with a moot. In other words, it tells me she has been hurt and is afraid to really get into a relationship. That sentence basically says I’m not serious so back off.
The type of men that would respond to this are men that are also not that serious. So she could end-up in a frustrating off again on-again relationship or worse, attract the attention of a married man who is just looking for someone to play with.
If I go down to the next line I see something interesting. I am back from the Caribbean and a life changing experience. Which sounds awesome. But right after that she writes Be aware. Again another “back-off” statement. Followed with “its okay to introduce ourselves through messages but if you are just looking for a hook up or someone to “chat” with I am not the one for you. Best Wishes P 🙂
And that’s it for her about section. All I’ve really learned it that she is afraid. Which is okay, but you don’t want to advertise that.
Patricia needs to know that she is the prize. When she fully understands that, she will realize she’s need to be discerning but not protective. You do that by indicating your standards. By telling him more about yourself such as you are educated with graduate work and you love to travel, you set a bar without coming out directly to say it.
So, we want to redo this section. I love that one sentence. I am back from the Caribbean and a life changing experience. Oh my God what happened, tell me more. How did it change you life? That seems cool. I want to meet this adventurous person. Your about section should tell the story of who you are. You may even want to include something like “now that my children are grown.” Indicated that you have had children and are now transitioning to a new phase of adventure.
She says her interest include Exploring new areas, Shopping/Antiques, Travel/Sightseeing, and Watching sports. So maybe change the headline to “Let’s explore,” or “Football lover’s apply within.” Something cute and up beat that reflects what you want or who you are.
And finally, she left out two other sections, “for fun” and “my idea of a great first date.” It almost feels she left them out because she didn’t really thinking it was going to go that far.
You want to fill those out. Here’s the truth about men. They like it when you make it easy for them to please you. Tell him what your ideal first date would be. For example, she said he loves sports. Which ones? Would a great first date be a hotdog at a baseball game? Don’t make the first date a big deal. Meeting for coffee is my suggestive first date. But give him some ideas for things you can enjoy together.
Now this is Love School and as you know sometimes you get homework in school. So, I’m sending this back to Patricia to make some changes. Then hopefully she’ll make them and allow us to take a look at it in another episode of love school. So make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss a thing.
Oh and if you have a question or something you would like for me to address you can write to me at Dawn@Dawnmaslar.com or even on facebook on the Love Biologist – Dawn Maslar page. And, I’ll create a video for you like I did for Patricia. Thanks for viewing and I’ll see you next week in Love School.