Smart Girls Guide to Love

How To Avoid Being Loved and Left (for woman) – The Coolidge Effect Explained

Why Do Some Men Disappear After You Sleep with Him?

Today I’m going to talk about what causes a man to turn from Romeo to Houdini after you have sex with him? And, what can a woman do to avoid being loved and left.

I ran a distraught woman the other day who was recently divorced and was just starting to date again. Unfortunately she was upset and said she was already giving up on dating. I asked, “Why, what’s going on?” She told me that the last guy she dated disappeared rig ht after they had sex. She said, “for weeks he showered me with attention, but the moment we slept together it was as if I never existed.” Unfortunately, this is not the first time I’ve heard this.

So, today I’m going to look at why some men disappear right after you have sex with him.

The problem stems from in a little neurotransmitter called dopamine. This is the neurotransmitter of pleasure and reward. For a man or a woman to falling in love, dopamine must rise until it reaches a tipping point.

Dopamine Chart

The Build up of Dopamine for Fall in Love TM Dawn Maslar

On the other side of that tipping point is the euphoria cascading sensation of being head over heels in love.

Unfortunately, sometimes dopamine never reaches this point in men because of a phenomenon called the Coolidge Effect.

The legend states President Calvin Coolidge was out touring a chicken farm with Mrs. Coolidge. Mrs. Coolidge was up ahead when she noticed a rooster being quite amorous with a hen. Mrs. Coolidge turned to her attendant and with delight asked, “Is he like that all the time?” The attendant said, “Yes ma’am all day everyday.” Excited Mrs. Coolidge said, “Oh you must point him out to President Coolidge.

The attendant trotted back and said, “President Coolidge, sir, your wife wanted me to point out this Rooster to you.” President Coolidge looked down at the Rooster-Romeo and said, “I see ,son. Is he like that all the time?” The attendant responded, “Yes, sir; all day, every day sir. “ “I see,” said the President “Let me ask you another question. Is it the same old hen everyday?” The attendant said, “No sir, It’s a different hen everyday.” The President said, “That’s what I thought, son, now run back and tell Mrs. Coolidge that.”

What that anecdote is describing is a phenomenon we see in the lab. We can take a cage full of female rats and place in a male rat. He will mate with every one of the females to the point of exhaustion. Then he will flop over in the corner of the cage, where his dopamine tanks. The females can try to lick him and entice him, but he will not respond unless…we put in a fresh new female. Then his dopamine will spike and he will jump up and mate with her.

The Coolidge Effect can occur in men with a rapid up and down of the dopamine, creating short-lived pleasure.

Scan 13

Coolidge Effect @DawnMaslar

When this happens the dopamine never reaches a high enough level for him to fall in love.

But this doesn’t mean your hot date is destined to give you the cold shoulder. There are a few things a woman can do to avoid the Coolidge Effect. First, keep the excitement going. Dopamine increases with a challenge. Therefore, allow him try to impress and win you over.

Second, take your time. Dopamine needs time to slowly build up.

And, finally require exclusivity prior to having sex. You can do this by starting that you don’t want to be in mutually exclusive relationship before you become sexual. Allow him to grapple with this decision. I’ll explain why that’s important in another segment.

If he’s willing to risk falling in love, he will ask you to be mutually exclusive. Don’t ask him, let him ask you.

This takes the neural activity out of the pleasure center and moves it to the thinking part of the brain. That’s an important shift, because it is now a conscious decision.

There are no guarantees that he’ll fall in love or even stay. He may still leave, but he does that means he would have gone even if you had slept with him. By desiring exclusivity you can avoid being just another Coolidge chick.

So if he asks you for a mutually exclusive relationship does that guarantee that he will fall in love? Not necessarily. I’ll explain how a man falls in love in another segment. So make sure you subscribe, so you don’t miss a thing.



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