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Love School Lesson #21 – The Secret to Reigniting the Spark

Early in any relationship the sex life is usually amazing. You’re making love any chance you get. You can’t keep your hands off each other and its exhilarating.

Then, you move to the next level. You get married or move into together. Slowly your sex life can take a back seat. Other things like work and kids can put a damper on your sex life. Now, instead of great sex any chance you get. It’s quickie or half-hearted mediocre sex.

Over time this can cause your sex life to stale. When you try to get back to it, it just doesn’t seem as fun or rewarding as it used to. So, is there anything you can do to turn around a declining sex life?

Well there appears to be. A recently published article looked at the effects of oxytocin on women with sexual dysfunction. If you recall, oxytocin is sometimes called the love hormone or the cuddle hormone. When levels are high you feel loving, warm and connected. But low levels have been associated with loneliness and depression.

Researchers in Vienna Austria decided test the effect oxytocin had on a woman’s sexual desire. They recruited woman that all had some degree of sexual dysfunction. Most reported low desire and interest. Next, they split the group into two. One half they had inhale oxytocin and monitor her sexually and interest, and in the other they had the woman inhale a placebo and monitor her sexually and interest.

After running the test for 22 weeks, the researchers examined the results.

They found that the women that used oxytocin had a 36% decrease in her sexual dysfunction score and a 144% increase in her sexual quality of life. In other words the oxytocin improved her sex life substantially. But, before you start googling where you can buy oxytocin, let me finish.

Here’s the crazy thing. The placebo group also improved. They show had a 45% decrease in her sexual dysfunction score. That’s higher than the oxytocin group. And, they had a 125% increase in her sexual quality of life![1]

That means that both groups no matter if they had oxytocin or not improved their sex life dramatically.

So now you’re wondering what’s going on here? Well, that’s exactly what the researchers wanted to know. So they took a closer look at the study and realized it was the way the study was put together that causes the dramatic improvement.

You see part of the requirement was for the husband and wife to sit down and talk about their sex life. It was the conversation around the woman’s needs and desires that the researchers believe made the huge change.

When the couple sat down and talked about what was going on with the wife it increased her oxytocin naturally. Therefore, as they spent time working on the study the couples reconnected. The researchers believe is was this re-connection that caused the amazing change in her sexual desire and pleasure the wife was experiencing.

So it appears that the secret to reignite the spark in your love life is to start with a little conversation and connection.

I hoped you enjoyed this episode of love school. Please share it with a friend and don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss a thing. See you next time in Love School.




[1] Muin, D. at el. Effect of long-term intranasal oxytocin on sexual dysfunction in premenopausal and postmenopausal women: a randomized trial Fertility and Sterility Vol. 104, No. 3 September 2015.

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